Nine-Tenths of the Law
by paperskirts
Summary: In which their ninth date together is a blind date set up by Winry and the lines of possession are drawn more clearly than Mei thinks. A Modern AU. AlMei. For AlMei Week 2015


Written for the prompt AU/Crossover for AlMei Week 2015.

It's a modern AU. Credit for the prompt goes to an AU prompt post on tumblr (which unfortunately I cannot find again). It's a bunch of AUs where people who are in a relationship have to pretend that they're not.

Warnings for fluff. At five AM, my fluff instincts were given full reign over this story and there was no way to control the result.

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

 **Nine-Tenths of the Law**

After Mei opens the door and sees exactly who is on the steps, she's now _positive_ that Winry's suggestion of a blind date should be ripped out of her head and flushed down a toilet. A disgusting one. With poop rings and moldy water and yellowing ceramic, the whole nine yards. They can toss in Mei's broken heart, too.

Alphonse arches his brow, but it's the only indication of his surprise. Mei wishes she had as good a handle on her emotions as he did. She can feel her ears heat, and her mouth is a permanent flat line. Al slips on a smile – _not a real one, his real smile pushes up into his eyes and wrinkles his nose the slightest bit, his real smile reminds her of how soft his cheeks are and how kissable they can be_ – and offers her the bouquet in his hand.

"For you. I'm your date tonight."

Mei takes the bouquet and wonders if there's anything in the bunch that she's allergic to. She could pretend to have a fit and literally squirm her way out of this mess. Then she could go buy ice cream, every exotic neon-colored flavor she's never had, and have a thorough taste test with Netflix. She'll wear her comfiest sweats. It'll be _amazing_.

"Oh wow." Winry comes up behind her and slips on some modest heels. For Ed's ego, she often jokes. "You two look good together. And he got you flowers!" Winry winks and nudges Mei's side. Mei aims for a smile, but she knows she lands somewhere between a dog baring its teeth and a manic clown grin. Mei ignores Winry's signal for _what's wrong_ , a curious but worried cock of her head. Thankfully, Winry leaves it alone, maybe attributing it to nerves. She wouldn't be entirely wrong.

"Mei, this is Alphonse Elric. He's Ed's younger brother and a childhood friend. Al, Mei Chang. She was my roommate back in college. "

Al extends a hand, easy and simple. It's something Mei envies. "Nice to meet you, Mei."

Mei shakes it lightly with one hand while her other hand has vice-grip on the bouquet. She just signed her soul off to four hours of hell. "Likewise. I've heard a lot about you from Winry."

Winry looks altogether satisfied and sweeps past them as Ed's car pulls up. "Let's get this double date on the road! I'm so hungry, you have no idea."

Mei locks the door to her apartment and turns to see Al patiently waiting for her. He sighs and gives her a tiny smile, a real one. "You look pretty tonight."

The slightest prick. She wants kiss his cheek.

"You look good, too," she says stiffly and walks out ahead of him.

* * *

Winry keeps tapping Mei's knee for attention, but Mei already has an idea of what Winry wants to say. This date is going terribly. Conversation is flowing almost entirely from the right side of table where Ed and Winry are, and the only time Mei and Alphonse open their mouths, it's to stuff it to the roof with buttered bread. Honestly, Mei doesn't think she's done too terribly. She's contributed at least fifty words to the conversation. That's a pass in a college seminar class. Albeit, the words were almost all directed towards Winry and Ed, but it's still a pass, my god.

Winry doesn't quit tapping and finally flicks her. Mei whirls around to her little matchmaker as if to say, "Really?!" Winry gives a pointed look to Al before hiding her grin with a draught of water. _Start a conversation with him_. Mei suddenly feels like a child with a doting mother; _be nice to the other kids, make friends with them, don't beat on their face_. The fact that she's twenty-three years old might not mean anything to Winry. Reluctantly, she turns to Al. He's watching her intently, waiting for what she's going to say. Mei's going to have to remind Winry what subtlety looks like.

"So Alphonse, what do you do?"

Al quirks a smile, and she hates how her pulse jumps a bit. She wraps a hand around her wrist as though she could keep it still that way. "I do chemical research at the local university. I'm studying reactions with aluminum batteries and measuring its performance and usability against regular batteries. It's not actually that interesting. It's mostly me just slaving away in the lab."

"Sounds rough. Not much time to date?"

"Oh. Well," he does that little laugh when he's embarrassed, a mix between a chuckle and a sigh, "I make time for people who are special to me."

She hums, his usually sweet words taking a bitter turn in her stomach. Instead of bile, she throws up words. "Doesn't seem like it's hard to make that list."

There's a beat of silence where the words ricochet in their little booth like pinballs. Ed frowns and says very carefully, on the edge of being a threat, "What do you mean by tha-"

"I have to go to the bathroom." Al not-to-gently bumps into Ed as he stands and leaves the table.

Winry has a tired hand over her eyes, and Ed glares daggers at Mei with Winry's brand of subtlety. But really, Mei doesn't need Ed to feel guilty.

She's never seen Al's expression drawn so tight before.

Mei leaves with the same bathroom excuse and signals Winry not to follow her. She can hear the water running in the men's bathroom, and the door is unlocked. She slips in, quietly and cautiously, and locks the door behind her. Al is splashing water on his face, blowing air through the water streaming down and squinting at his reflection in the mirror. He sees her almost immediately.

"Mei, you're in the wrong bathroom." His tone isn't angry, just tired.

"I know. I just-" Mei takes a breath and tries to bury any emotions, any vulnerabilities, she's showing on her face. She fails. Her face is painted with palettes of embarrassment and disappointment with blotches of anger. She's a piece of work, she is. "You're still _looking_?"

Al looks at her wide-eyed, his attention suddenly entirely on her. He's so determined on giving her his attention that he doesn't bother wiping away the water dripping into his eyes. She follows a drop as it travels down the facets of his nose and curls around his lips. She wishes she could wipe it off. It's distracting.

"No, I'm not," he finally says.

"But you're on a date."

"I'm on a date with you." He laughs like the whole thing is silly, the ridiculous kind of silly, and turns off the water.

"But you didn't know it would be with me. Hence _blind_ date."

Al groans as he wipes his face. "That was- Winry wouldn't stop bothering me, so I thought if I gave in once she would leave me alone. Anyway, dating is a two-way thing. Why are _you_ here? Why are _you_ on a blind date?"

Mei moans helplessly as she realizes she doesn't have a better excuse. "Winry is just so persistent. And… And I didn't want to tell her that I already have a thing with you. That we have a thing together."

He gives her a deadpanned look over the paper towels, his eyes a few degrees colder. "I didn't know you were so intent on keeping me a secret. Obviously, she doesn't mind if she's setting us up to-"

"No! No!" Mei almost growls. He's taking her words and running off with them before she can finish explaining. "I didn't want to tell her because I don't know what kind of thing _our_ thing is! We've only been on a couple of dates. We haven't talked about it yet. I didn't want to blab to her that you're my boyfriend. What if it got back to you – because I know you two are good friends – and you weren't on the same page? I mean embarrassment aside, that's one way to shoot a bullet into a relationship, one _I_ personally think is going pretty well, and _is it really that funny_?"

The trembling shoulders and the tight purse of his lips are a dead giveaway, and finally he gives in. He starts laughing, gasping and practically snorting. Mei would have laughed too, just because he looks absurd, if she wasn't so frustrated. He staggers over to her and props himself against the door, arms crossed so he can literally hold himself together.

"Are you done?" she huffs.

"Yeah," he sneaks another chuckle in. "It's just… Your reasoning is cute."

Mei looks at him for a beat before redirecting her gaze forward. She doesn't want to be so easily swayed by him, and she curses her traitorous pulse that's doing flips like it's on a trampoline. She holds tightly onto her wrist.

"We haven't talked about it," Mei continues. "There aren't any rules, and we haven't laid down any claims."

"Claims? That's a pretty barbaric way of putting it."

Mei rolls her eyes and pushes at his shoulder. "Wrong words, but you know what I mean."

He smiles. "I do. Actually, I was having similar thoughts. It's why it was so funny to hear it all out in the open."

"So we're on the same page?"

He loosens her grip on her wrist, takes both her hands, and lifts them to cup his face. She snorts because she knows what he wants. She starts rubbing circles under his ears, something that elicits the most delicious sighs, sighs that make _her_ feel heady with all the release in tension. Predictably he melts and nuzzles against the palm of her hand. "I didn't know if we would get to do this today," he mutters.

"So we are on the same page," she says again to confirm.

"I think we probably have been the whole time. I wouldn't let just anyone touch me like this. They would have to be very _special_."

Mei winces as she remembers her biting comment. "Sorry about that. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay." He takes one of her hands and kisses it. "You're lucky you give such nice massages." He grins playfully. The smile that Mei returns is softer, fonder. She brings his face down so that she can kiss him. Gentle, warm, and accompanied by the quietest of sighs. He's been missing more than just massages.

She hugs him and sinks her face into his chest. "So a rating for our ninth date?"

Al hums with his chin resting on her head, and she loves the little rumbles that rake her scalp. "Maybe a bit of a bust, but we could probably bump it up to a B+."

"Such low expectations. How about an A? Think we could get away with ditching Winry and Ed?"

Al grimaces. "Winry will get upset. Well, maybe she'll let it slide if we tell her that we've _claimed_ each other." He gives her a cheeky grin. "Your words, not mine."

She groans like the very sounds are painful. "That sounds so bad. But _boyfriend_ … I like that."

He presses his lips to her forehead, and she can feel his mouth twitch into a smile.

"I like that, too."

* * *

A/N: Give it a week. This story will be too fluffy for me in a week. I did like writing it though. It was a nice break from all the sad things I write, and it's the only AlMei one so far that has a happy ending. For those of you who haven't choked on the cotton candy, how was it? Did you like it? If you did, what did you like, and if you didn't, any words of advice? I would love to hear feedback, so leave me a little something! Thanks!


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